I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All the doctor said was why
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
