I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
