why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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