I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
