Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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