my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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