I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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