I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
