I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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