Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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