I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
