weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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