I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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