You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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