I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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