I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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