dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im six kinds of drunk right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
