he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
