im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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