This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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