dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
