Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
