he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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