failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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