Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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