I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
