yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
