$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
