I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize