Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
