Umm I'm too high to move.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
