I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
