I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
