I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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