apparently the secret to your success is patron
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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