ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
