Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't put those talents on a resume
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
