well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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