I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
