I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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