I wanna bring you to show and tell
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
