Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
