i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're my little dorito
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
