I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
