you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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