My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
