The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
