I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
