benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
