A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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