____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
