dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
