And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
