just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
