# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
