she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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