They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
