Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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