Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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