i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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