I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
