Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
