Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
