this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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