when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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