My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize