I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
