Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize