Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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