8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
