i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
