i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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