Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
