I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
