So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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