this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
