he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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