Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
