I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i will never coherently bang her
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.