You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can