At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
