Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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