I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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