Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
