i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
