Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
