just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize