Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
