just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
