I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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