obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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