I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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